You Can't Take It Back

One of my closet friends and one of my best blog buddies... gave the same advise.

If I told someone, You Can't Take it Back.... so true....

There is a part of me that since I came out, years ago,  in those early years, I had been Open in a cautious way, Never Denied being Gay, and in Some ways... never admitted it either due to the political climate  way back when....years ago.

I have been openly gay .. Openly Gay since 1991, at that time in my life,  I had the opportunity to meet a group of people, make friends with them, and allow myself in my personal and political life to Be Open ...Be Gay....Be OUT.

Now, I have come to  another crossroad... who do you tell and when/if  u tell them... or Do You Tell them At All....

Lisa, Ann, Bob/John know.... now my very good friend the Other John knows, he's an attorney here also... he came by my office yesterday .... he looked at me... said..... "T.. you sure have lost some weight... i see it in your face...look at u... no stomach... you're whithering away......  "

"Well John, .... I'm +.... " the look on his face in that instant ... made  me realize that You Can't Take It Back.. Once You Said It.......

Life Lessons ..... Still Learning.....

Moving On Down The Road....

After the last few posts, it might be time to just take a lil' detour and see what is else out there.   I'm sure I will revisit the other matter, but for the time being .... Let's Move on Down the Road.

The other day some one was in the office and brought by an old campagin ticket push card.  In Louisiana a "push card" fit in the front pocket of a shirt, announcing a candidate and the guys that were running on his ticket.

I found it a lil amusing and a lil chuckle as to the Sam Jones and his Straight Ticket. Jones established that state documents were for public viewing, one of his hallmarks, the beginning of the state civil service system which combated the suitcase parade at the end of each Governor's term of office.

So Here is Sam Jones' Straight Ticket...............

Postive +

I am sitting here at the office.

I am thinking of yesterday's posting in my blog.

I am thinking of an email I recieved from a friend, checking on me.

I realized for me, to begin to come to grips with the new medical status, I have to state it, write it, acknowledge to my self in some fashion that I am HIV + Now.

It sends a chill through me as I write this.

Thats about all I can say at this point.

Yep It Happen ... It Came Later Tho than Early in Life

Do I write about it or just keep My mouth shut?

I have been torn lately by a recent development in my medical status.

On Political terms..... in might, could, Will, upset the apple cart.

I reside in the middle of the state... its Red... Conservative...Laugh behind your Liberal Back.. 

I can factually state... It would be a Death Nail..in my Career, which is my Heart, I've always prided my self on the public service . .. No handshakes no hugs from the Courthouse Crowd.. 

On Personal terms...... I am finding out its a difficult decision to even tell a close friend.

April 28th ... Was the Date... I heard the News... actually heard it from my close personal friend..the Good Dr. Brunson..

I have informed four very close personal friends only, Lisa, John/Bob, and Ann.  

I have not had a good cry yet.... and I am Not sure why... am I numb.... 

So, I am glad I could sit down, so I could write today about a Matter that is on my mind all the time At The Moment.

Not Time Yet.....

Its not time yet..... but I need to vent.....

In my many years here in the Lil City by the Red, I have had many good friendships.

But, (and there is always a but) .... folks are very nosey here, they all want to know about all of your business...

I have realized in the last week or so, that some of these friendships, even the older ones, don't need to know my business, I have been over the years Too Open... assuming that all is good, that folks need to know about what is going on in my life.... to Share.....

It aint So.... Sharing is ok... but it aint Good when Times like this come about.... ....

I am having for one of the first times in my Life... Pull back... close ranks.... assume that some folks dont Need to Know what is going on....

It hurts for me not to be open... I have lived as a Gay Man.... Open Man.... most of my Life.... I have shared all most every thing...... I have Lived OPEN.... without any hestitation ...

But Now..... its Not So...... ....

I realize that some openness is not the best at this time... that friendships have to be reviewed...and some friends dont need to know!!!!!!

A New Time

I wrote a Blog Buddy of my event. He had good advise.

I know at some point in time, I will write about the happeneing, the event, this new day of my life, but for the time being, I am processing it all.........

My very close friend, who is a director of a health organization here, stopped by the house yesterday, we had a long chat.  She is an attorney, executive director of a health organization, Cross Fit Person, all with Auburn hair and a strong sense of Self and protectiveness of her friends.

I am glad she is standing by me..... as I begin this new road that Life has place before me.......

Its just a new Time ..... in my life.

Not Too Good

I've been sick, fever, etc....

Its the reality of things...........

After I process this, I will write about it....