Random Thinking on an Early Morning in Louisiana

Just Thinking..... To tell the truth I have a rich full life.  Close knit small group of Good Friends, Supportive Family, nice town to live in, great neighborhood- where everybody knows everybody's business, like it or not, a job that I am satisfied with - which gives me recognition and a fair extra living. Having retired once, I can say that I have it fairly well.... pretty damn good.

I have a lot to be thankful for, I recount my self each day and tell my self that.

It is true I have no partner, but at this time in my life, I have to think that if I did, he too would be well satisfied also. I don't mourn for a partner as some of my neighbors do, I don't grieve as one of my neighbors does for not having a partner.  I am thankful for just being me and having my life as I take each day.

Having a partner is such a responsibility. I am sure it is good that one can count on  a partner if one has one. The responsibility lies with each of you, caring in your own way about each other and having a mutual respect for one another.  I have friends in the neighborhood that are partners and they have been partners for a long time.  I see their interaction on a weekly, sometimes daily basis, most are open in discussing the trials and tribulations of their relationships.  I have a window into their lives. They trust me with their thoughts, heartaches, joys and everyday happenings.

Sometimes I think that I have become multi partnered in that they have joined me into their confidence; Which I guard with all respect.

Random thoughts after reading a few blogs this morning.

Headed toward Fat Tuesday

We are well on our way to Fat Tuesday, here in Louisiana.  The Mardi Gras parties are in full swing, almost every other night there is some gathering to celebrate something. The krewes such as  Parlangua, Mariposa, Twelfth  Night, Boogaloo, and a host of others are partying to the stroke of 12  midnight before Ash Wednesday. Then its ashes down the street at St. James and across town at the Cathedral.  

Then Lent comes along, time to deny your self goodness or on the other hand, do good deeds for folks. 

All in all it's the excess of ALL.

Jindal... Please

Well, I have to say that I've been working a lil bit more these days.  As the Senior Advisor or Advisor of Senior Status, my work have been getting a lil hectic.


Now for the stupid news of Louisiana:   we are fairly use  to politicians making illogical statements, or performing mindless acts of stupidity.

So, with that said, Gov. Bobby Jindal, formerly known as Piyush  Jindal, on all networks made a statement there were "No Go Zones" in Europe due to Islamic radicalism.  Please Governor Piyush Bobby Jindal, don't make those irrational statements.

Please we all know that in our urban areas of Louisiana, in New Orleans East for example, its not good to go there in the late of the night.

Just a side note:  Bobby, was Piyush, he change his name from Piysuh to be more Americanized, and got the name from the Brady Bunch TV Show.  He also gave up his beliefs of his family and converted to Catholicism to be more Americanized, to fit in, and then he "converted" to being a Republican..... he thinks he wants to be our next President......... Please!!!

Today, I woke up, the house was cold, actually I sleep with the temp down at night all curled up in the  comforter and bed sheets.

Its a day of remembrance here in the deep deep South. Its MLK day.  There is a parade downtown, mostly attended by African Americans, I have attended the last three years.  Its a great parade, set in a way to showcase the feelings of people.  Our lil city is 54% African American and the whole parish is

 131,613 people residing in the parish. 63.3% were White, 25.0% Black or African American

As any where in the deep deep South these days our Hispanic population is growing by leaps and bounds.  The odd thing with Rapides Parish is that in 1960 the parish was at a population of 111,641.  In 55 years we have not increased very much. In the latest census, we are at 131,613, down 5,000 from year 2010.  

Anyway, I believe that race relations in the deep deep South in the rural areas of this state, are much better on the overview,  than what we see on the national scene.  I believe it has something to do with the decrease in population and the dependence on one another to make this area better.  If you are declining in population, that means resources are dwindling too, so every one must make the best of it.  

Also the acceptance of gay and transgender people are much more open.  I know for a fact that I am better accepted than say 15 years ago.

Thats just a simple statement not meant for in-depth review or conversation, but just a thought.

Typical January in La.

Its raining today here on the Red Bricks, winter here in the deep deep South has been Cold.  Typical January, a comment from an elderly man down the street, was that "boys, this is winter, like it use to be, before all those professors started yakin' bout that warming shit".

The wood stack is starting to dwindle now.  I can see I might be ordering another rick or so here soon.

Other than that, Mardi Gras season is here and is beginning to crank up.  Last night I had the usual supper guests, Natalie, Buzz, Bradly, Bryan, and Dylon.  Fixed a rump roast in an au jus' broth, with turnip roots, carrots, and onions.  The turnip roots and carrots came from the organic farm down the road.

With the beginning of the new year, kayak season, is almost upon us.  Duck hunting will be over by the end of January, you know those Duck Hunters get their err up on us a lil bit.   February beckons to get out and paddle in the swamp a lil bit.

The Political Fall Out and Friendship, if there was

Years and years ago, when I came to this lil town by the Red River, I meet a group of guys who were friends.  It was a loose group of friendships centered around being gay.  It included an attorney, who after several months, I found out that, he was a married man.  Most of the group accepted his situation, eventually I did too.  He was an affable man, southern gentlemen, local business family, etc.  He was in the gay community as a "closeted member", rumored at the country club for "liking young men" by his peers and their wives.

As the years have passed, our beginning friendship lead to a closeness of some sorts. Not sexual, but something of confessor, him telling me confident matters etc. In hindsight, his theme never ventured far from what he was doing, whom he was doing, or what others were doing.  Small town minds in small minded folks...typical southern town.  I never got an invite to his home, I was always the friend from afar at gatherings in the public.

Myself, being an out man, when he did visit me, he would park his car down the street a lil bit, I could observe him coming up the front walk, looking this way and that, seeing who was coming down the street.  He certainly would never sit on the front porch.

I,  on my part, I,   condoned or let happen this transgression on my self and my home to accommodate this attorney, to maintain a friendship with him for political purposes, some sense of dys-focused friendship on my part.

I compromised my self standing, self worth, to allow him to maintain this covert image of himself, living in two worlds, while my friends and my self were paying a price for being out in the late 90s and early 2000s in this semi rural town.

Now comes yesterday, our long term friendship, or was it really a two way both ways- friendship came to an end due to some political matters.

Above all else in  the political world, loyalty to one's boss is paramount, not to the point of criminality, but loyal in the sense there is one front on the issues, all together, standing for the correct reasons, behind your boss.

I chose this path yesterday, and he text me that I had misguided loyalty.... I responded with a verbal tirade on him!!! Intense, verging on almost, ugly...and in hindsight..... it was ugly on my part, my admission... I would like to say stern.

I wonder, as I have, in the above entry, was I misguided over the years, the answer Yes I was, I was misguided by my self, I should have keep to my rules as not harboring a married man for his friendship while he was touching others in our gay world.

For that I was wrong, in hind sight, it never was really a two way friendship.

Commitments, Reflections, and a Resolution

Commitments, Reflections and New Year's resolutions.


Keeping my commitment to go back to the gym. I went this afternoon by my self.  Which as the rural coonasses say, "was a good thang".

I will do some physical cardio work and some strength work,  tomorrow also, take my workout shoes with me to Texas on Monday and use the hotel's gym.  I am committed to working out 3 to four times a week.


Reflections on the year passed, Twenty Fourteen, there was several folks who left this world, Wes Barker Louis Barrera, to name two, who were gay friends.  Both in their 40's one of liver disease which some say was brought on by HIV drugs, the other some type of cancer, both cut short in the prime of their lives.  Both had personalities that always generated a smile.


Then back where I grew up.. in the Felicianas, there was Gerald, who passed due to a heart attack- possible just not taking care of himself, Earl passed too he was such a nice guy, then there was Walt a jovial guy who also didn't take care of him self.

And then there was Danny, was older than I, it happened to me in  pre teen years, he was the first guy to masturbate me off....he jacked me off.  I was Eleven.  He was 15. He is also the guy to tell me that we weren't queer, we was just "doing it cause it felt good".  We "did it" for years, even after he got married.  Years passed, I had gotten married cause it was the thing to do back then, didn't last long, but I did. When I made the decision to leave the marriage, he came to me and told me "Tommy, you leave Ann, I will never speak to you again"; I told him   "Danny, I'm Gay, I'm Queer, its wrong for me to live the lie". I went on to be an Out Man living in rural Louisiana.

He never spoke to me again.

The Lord called Danny home this past year, when a pecan limb fell on his truck while he was in it, crushing him.  The Limb just fell out off the pecan tree, big big, limb, not rotten... just fell when Danny stepped inside the cab of the truck......... Reflections.

Every year I make a resolution or two to myself... this year is no different.

This year I am going to be more chivalrist .. yes bring back to the South... Chivalry... Be nice to folks, open the door for people, say hello, go out of my way to help someone.

And Smile More... !!!!

Slow Drizzle on the First Day

Woke up this morning to the pit pat of a slow drizzle on the bricks outside.  The first day of Twenty Fifteen has been a slow pit-pat of rain.  Temps in the 40s, slight wind, just a cold Louisiana day.

It reminds me of so many January days, and tomorrow the same.

I am off to San Antonio for a check up on Monday, driving on Monday, seeing the Dr on Tuesday, driving back that same day.  Quick trip.