Tomorrow Tomorrow You're always a Day Away (Annie Lyrics)

Tomorrow .....Tomorrow

Yep, tomorrow, I will make the trek back to my ancestral home, place of my birth, youth, and early early adulthood. Down memory lane.

I am returning for several reasons:

To see my sister and brother  (they both live on the family home place)
To see my children, well at least one, I have two
To see old straight friends, I don't have many left, most abandoned me when I came out...34 years ago
To see if I have any connectivity left in my soul for the Felicianas, the ancestral place  of my birth
To see if I can walk the streets of Jackson, La and if I run into anyone and/or they recognize me.......


On the last three, "To See", ... Life in rural Louisiana, especially the Felicianas, one must have friends or you become a hermit on a remote farm place in the backwoods.  I'm somewhat of a social animal here in this town.  One of my upmost concerns is whether I can foster up a social life there in the Felicianas.


I will be staying in Baton Rouge, I choose to stay there and make the trek up to the Felicianas, its better to stay a lil bit away from the fray and the drinks at the hotel bar are strong.

During my stay in Baton Rouge, I will also be attempting to see one or two of my oldest gay friends, they were mentors to me when I came out. Both are in their 80s now.  True Southern Gentlemen. I hope to have lunch with them on Thursday.

So, I haven't made a run like this in years, there is something telling me that I need to make an effort to reconnect, see if any ties are still there, and the acceptance of others than my gay friends and family.

Risks and Brakes

In the past several months, I have let myself, take some risks.  I'm not sure where this action comes from.  I'm sorting it out right now in my mind.

I can tell you this:

I need to keep my mouth shut, when I do take risks. By telling my confidantes, they seem to every once in a while throw it back to me.

I have let myself, knowingly, take these risks, knowing that I was hedging the "line", pushing it to the limit, but somehow, I was willing to let myself go there.

Was it the age, 61, was it the temptation of the unknown, was it the quest for a fling into the dark night, I can not answer it right now.

I do know, that for whatever reason, those risks were a lil too much.  Let me say that one more time...a Lil Too Much, even for my liking.

In the past 12 months, there has been a passing of John (the former lover), Larry (friend and mentor) Ronnie (friend, mentor, and boss), Bob (long time huntin' and drinkin' buddy), Jim (friend), and Danny(first man I had sex with).

Six souls, all had some impact on my life to a degree or greater.. more greater impact with each one, that I care to get into at this time.  Was it my own morality that I was seeing.  So, was I mourning their loss, was I trying to escape the reality, I really don't think I was escaping.

The quest to find what is happening is on-going.

I do know this.... I have put the brakes on!!!!!

Hot Hot Hot

Its Sunday Morning....  its hot.... that's all I can say... on to other matters.

I was reading one of my "reads" this morning, the blogger was speaking of family compassion, in particular his father's compassion toward his dying wife, the blogger's mother.

It reminded me of the passing of my Momma, in 2001, she was 80.  Momma drove herself to the hospital to have a procedure, but  never left, she passed 27 days later.  During that time, before she went on a vent, we had some candid, frank conversations about her self and my gayness.

She told me that she knew I was gay, in her own way, she said, "Tommy, I have always known you had lace on your drawers".

That is one of the reasons, I read these blogs that I do, it makes you think of your self and your past.  It brings back memories.  Its reflective, to read and then think of your own stories. It seems that we mirror each other's  experiences at times,  but in different ways, that the actual event, which was described.

On to another topic, I was invited out to a pool gathering last night, this time straight folks where invited too.  The dynamics changed a tiny bit but all in all, the A' Naturale" Pool gathering was another nice night on a very hot day.  The straight couple were a dr and his gf.  Interesting to watch them in pool with a gaggle of naked gay men...they were very comfortable in their nakedness also....

Its Sunday Morning... and its Hot !!!!

Taking the Plunge

I'm Taking the plunge on buying a new vehicle today.  I have always been a 4x4 kind of guy, never had a 2 wheel drive vehicle really... except for my BMW Z4 and 550i.  The rest of the fleet has been Ford 4 wheel drives.  My current garage has 2.  Both are F150s, one is a Raptor, the other is a King Ranch.  

I let both of them go today.... sold them.  purchased a 2015 F150, Platinum Edition, Full glass power roof, parking assist, etc etc etc etc...... but I did have to maintain the 4x4 package tho.  

.

I haven't been a one car household in over 20 years, I have always had two or more vehicles.  Well, I guess it is just old age, or the reduction in needs.  I don't actively participate in 4 wheeling any more, no mud hogging no mo'.  No hunting in the deep deep backwoods of Louisiana No Mo'.   So, more of the gentleman fishing with the fly rods, driving up to the pond, not down the logging trail to the pond.  

The new baby on the block is Pearl White, fully loaded.... let me say again..fully loaded.... as described above.. and with a 4 wheel drive package... I couldn't give that up....in case it snows here in Louisiana this winter.

Also, the deal was sweetened when the dealership wrote me a check.. not me writing them one.. LOL...

Taking the plunge was fairly pleasant this time around... 

Its Sunday Morning

Sunday Morning....at 11am  its 86 already... expected temp at 3pm today is 99....heat index above 108 (i think)

Heat Hot... Sunday Morning.

This year it seems that everybody from up here, in the lil town, on the banks of the Red River is getting married in New Orleans.. 3 weddings already.... the last one was this past Friday. at the Cathedral on Jackson Square. I had an invitation to go...but didn't.. its too hot too hot..  I will make my apologies later.

Please wait till the Fall to visit the hometown of my aunts and uncles.. They lived on St Roch (Rock) in the 40s thru the 70s.  Then they all just passed away.. lost my connection down there.

I think the heat is making it a rambling post this morning...  but it is Sunday Morning