The Mind Wanders

Sometimes, I believe, I think too much.

Sometimes, I believe, I let my mind wander around the spheres too much.


Ever, think about that. ...  and  2015, we are half way through this year already.

Hurricane season is just about to get into full swing in about 45 days...the Gulf will be warming up.

On the other hand, the public sector of government here in the deep deep South, will enter the doldrums of summer this week.  This period will last until about the mid point of September, only to be interrupt by the beginning of dove season...... basiclly no important decisions of any magnitude will happen.

The passings of John and Jim, still are fresh on my mind. Their memories are clear and somewhat haunting me for some reason.

In two weeks I will be in San Antonio to for my bi annual check up for my prostate cancer. Once you have that cancer gene, even tho it is supposely gone, the memory lingers.

I have dropped about 27 pounds, a marked improvement in my weight  control.  I can't imagined that I let my Self get up there that much.  Certainly, the weight loss is good.  I dont eat as much and I consume wine even less, now my cellar is well stocked these days. I would like to drop another 7 to 10 pounds, but I'm not sure that will happen, anytime soon.

Summer is progressing here.  All of my family showed it's support of the SCOTUS decision, by placing the colors of Love and Equality over their faces on Facebook. That took some courage, as they live and work in the most rural, conservative part of Louisiana..... (the most backward region of the state).  I am proud of their stance. It just took A Lot of GUTS for them to do that.  I read people's comments to them... I have to think their friends aren't really their friends, but each to his own thoughts.

I left the gym I was at to return to the original gym that I started at years ago.

Bringing it Back Home

Rural Louisiana is a wonderful, sometimes strange place.  On Friday, I gased up the four wheel drive and headed out early in the morning to Sugartown, La.  Sugartown is in the northeast quadrant of Beauregard Parish, it sits right below Pitkin, La (which happens to be in the southwest quadrant of Vernon Parish).

There at the crossroads of La Hwy 112 and La Hwy 113, sits Jack's Sugartown Trading Company.  its happens to be one of two going concerns at the busy corner.  The other business concern is that of a rival watermelon stand arcoss the road.  I visited Jack, who is a come home transplant from Palm Springs.  He spent his youth in Sugartown.   Through events in his life, he made a return to his ancestral roots to open his business.  I meet Jack on a social media site sometime ago.  We have chatted back and forth, so I decided to put a face with the photo I received.

When I arrived, Jack was busy selling the famous Sugartown Watermelons, noted in western Louisiana to be the finest, sweetest, melons around.  My breif visit, about an hour, Jack sold about 20 melons.  It was a busy morning according to Jack.

Its not often I do things on a whim.  But, on Friday, I went over to Sugartown on a whim, meet Jack, and brought a couple of watermelons.

As we sat on the porch, with the fans going, humidity at 92%, sweat dripping, ice tea at hand, it seemed surreal to me, this man, with the finer taste of a urban gentleman, finding himself at life's crossroad, returning to his native Louisiana, after being gone 28 years.... just was a lil bit out of kelter.

I have seen this so many times before, men who come back, come home to Louisiana, after being gone for so many years, putting thierselves back together...

Sugartown is a good place to put your self back together.........

Connections

Connections..... its a lot to do with connections isn't it.  We, don't realize, but we in Louisiana, are a "connectional type folks".  When we find that connection with someone, we truly embrace that bond.

I had a connection with Jake, ours was just a brief moment in time.

It's been some time now since, I have seen Jake...but the connection that we had was a magicial brief spot in time.... just a spot in time... a brief four weekends..... it was a spirited, romp into how two men could look at each other and finish the sentence... whether on a walk in the neighborhood or lookin' at each other in the bed on a foggy Louisiana morning... quiet time on the porch.

Jake vanished.... into that forest that he came from.... those piney woods... it was my pleasure when he walked out into the pasture...from those woods.. I am glad I was there..

A brief Spot in a short brust of The Moment..... a true connection.

Late Entry........

I thought I would try a late evening entry. ... I haven't written one of these lately.. so late might be good.

I have written several times on my career and the outcome of decisions made during it.  I find that public service has been a true reward for me, in the work life.  This year, I celebrated, 41 years of continuous public service. Beginning with my first college job, as pool hall manager at Lee Hall on the campus of SLU (slow learners university). .. it made me a fast learner of people for sure.  At 20, some where in the early years of the 70s', I dealt with returning Vietnam Vets, who had come from Mekong River battles, some doing two or three tours, some fought in Laos, Cambodia,... but they all were ready to Not Take Any Crap, from a snot nose pool hall manager, who was instructed to keep the peace.

During the  first years of "my public service" I learned first hand, the sound of a calm, strong, voice....not threatening... just calm, strong, and with kindness in your heart...saying to a Vietnam Vet... "buddy... hey... you've broken one cue over the guy's head... isn't that enough...!!!" most would say...."yer..sorry..but he had it coming...." Then give me the broken cue, as I picked up the other guy.

You just didn't mess with those guys...you could see the terror, the far stare in their eyes, the I don't want to go there look.. good guys...but they didn't take any crap from anyone.. not jocks, not frat boys, not dorm proctors, not even the Dean of Men...they were the Men...and they had come home to just restart their lives... quietly...for the most part.

Thus I began my public service to our state, serving the Vets of Vietnam..pickin' up the broken pool cue on a late Friday night in the pool hall of Ole Lee Hall...

Saturday Morning... Special..!

Saturday Mornings are some what special to me, especially........
if you wake up feeling good,
having coffee,
reading the paper,
going out to the organic farm early to get your weekly supply of veggies,
making the rounds in the city,

Its just special... and to top that... its raining a lil bit .... !!!!

Special... Special....!

Keep on Posting

I tend to review my postings from time to time, my intentions are to proof read them before I post them.  But, as always, I find grammar errors misspellings, etc., after each posting and I have to go back.. I had Mr. Bass for college English... I think I passed 101 and 102 with a "C".

Well, I will just keep writing and correcting as I go along.. forgive me for my transgressions.  I am certainly not Lyle Saxon or Faulkner

Tuesday and I will gladly pay you on Tuesday. Ramblings on a Tuesday Morning.

Popeye the Sailor Man.... had a character named Wimpy,http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._Wellington_Wimpy  He always said he would gladly pay on Tuesday for a hamburger today.

I am always reminded of that, a lot of folks, especially my brethern, want something now, and will pay later....

On another subject

I have three simple rules, every time I break one of those simple rules, I pay...  sometimes the cost is very nominal, sometimes.. it's a lil costly. I have written about these before... I have broken them before....I have paid the penalty several times.

My three rules are:

Have a vechile..... cause you need to be mobile
Have a job...... cause you need your own money
Have a key to where u rest your head at night............. cause you need to have a place to rest that is your own or is yours in some form or fashion.


These rules are not written in order... but every time I don't adhere to them.... I receive confirmation that I need to stick to them.... steadfastly .... and Never break them again.....

I broke them over the weekend... I paid for the error.... I need to remind myself time and time again... stick to the Three Rules.

I will gladly pay you on Tuesday... yer right!!!!

Passings:

In the last five or so days, I have experienced the passing of two friends, they didn't know each other, they were miles and miles apart, however, they both impacted my life either many years ago or just recently.

John, was my first lover.  We meet in 1987, at a  bar in Baton Rouge.  We began living with each other a lil while after our dating for several months.  We lived in a great downtown neighborhood, had wonderful diverse friends, had at the time, what I deemed a truly urban life.  I was a one-third into my career, John was completing his landscape architecture degree at our flagship university. His was a five year degree program.  I would bike to work, he would bike to school, we would bike to the grocery store on Saturday mornings.

Time rolled on, his career begin to take off, in a very short time, his talents were in demand by some leading landscape design firms.  My career was about to take a turn to.  In 1991, I was offered a very nice career path, in the same state agency that I retired in.  I accepted.  It brought me to the Red River Valley.  John on the other hand stayed in Baton Rouge, we tried, tried to hold it together. Our plan was for me to come to this RRV and stay about 24 to 36 months, transferred back to the Baton Rouge Area. We knew, I think, that this was not going to work, but we knew We had to try.  WE did.  Then we made the decision to break up, go our own separate ways.

In the insuing years, John and I maintained a loose connection.  He went on to have multiple lovers, relationships, etc.  I sort of stalled on in a state of suspension, on that part. I dated but never found another connection as real, forthright as John.

Recently, John returned to La.  He returned to his family and friends around Baton Rouge.  In March of this year, John called me, he was in one of his manic depress moods, he was rambling in his talk with me, but in the end, he wanted an apology from me, asking me to apologize to him for what he thought was "wrongs" I had committed over the years to him.  I knew that he was in one of his "state of mind", he had battle mental issues long before.  I gave him that apology that he wanted.  I am glad I did. He never contacted me again.

John had always had "concerns" that hinged on a usage.  He fought it over the years, won the battles, succeeded in accomplishing many things. However, he had one final battle on June 3rd, at 53 years of age. The use won, John passed to the Greater Here After.

Somewhere in this universe, there is a marvelous, brillant, landscape architect, floating among the clouds.

Bill and I had meet in 1995, when he moved from Colorado, to be with closer to his family here in La.  Bill came with six cotton topped, bean pole, children, in a stair step configuration. His wife had departed under growing financial concerns, in Denver.  He knew that he could find support for him and his kids here among family and friends.

Bill  had a very interesting life's path.  Conversative by nature and rearing, he graduated from Bob Jones University.  This conservative rearing and nature would prove to be a true inner conflict for Bill  the rest of his days.  In the end, I believe he finally found peace with this issue in his life.

From the time we meet, till the time we parted ways over my broading of my life's paths, we had a connection that was like brothers.  We parted ways over the fact that I believed in my heart that one should be as open and honest with one's self, as one can be in the rural, sometimes cultrually backward, area in which we lived.  Bill on the other had, had a different belief, he was a "don't tell, don't ask" sort of life.  As I became more open, out front, he felt that our association with bring him to be labeled.

In  the passing years, Bill and I would run into each other, immediatly he would shy away and leave the room.  I had became known as an out gay man in those years. Then in February of this year, a friend of mine, stopped by the house, he had thought that I should know, that Bill had taken on a live in partner and was opening himself up to exploration and life's changing events.

The friend also, told me that I should make contact with Bill, put past feelings aside, and re-develop our friendship with each other.  I beleive that my friend had been working on Bill too.

On Feb 3rd, I dialed Bill's number and reconnected with him.  It was as two brothers talking, the span of time, was never the issue, the parting was never mentioned... we reconnected....!!!

Then on June 5th, in the wee hours of the morning,  Bill raised up in bed, took his last breath, fell back and was dead. His partner of two years, was there with him.  He was 55.

The Passings of these two men, leaves me with so many questions, my connection to each, our paths of life,  our trials and tribulations, our friendships.

Ya Know!!!!

Well again, I have tripped "the light fanistic" and came out fairly well.  The latest foray into the world of sex, lies, and video tapes (btw, the movie, some scenes where filmed in Louisiana, my ex at one time own the white ford fairlane rag top in the movie) I have came through again.

It seems that I am challenging myself in ways that is certainly not the norm for me.  Some would deem it vary risky, some would say down right shameful, some would say naw that it's nothing.

The Story continues through this weekend.

I'll let you know.