Looking into the Headlights.

I am thinking about heading back into the world of retirement.

Actually, I would like to have a small part time job, something that would allow me some freedom from the organizational madness, from from major decision making, and something where I can add to society.

I just need to get away, bike more, eat less and become one with myself again.

I have lost myself once more in the wicked world of government.... I need to get back to being myself, drank cheap box wine, wear shorts and flip flops all the day long and chill.

I am wondering if I can achieve that.... likely I can not to that degree, but I believe I can get to some degree of stillness and quiet.

I can take a year off ... mtn bike, fish and just say Fuck It.!!!!!...

Have to see how far I will get this time on this attempt.

Well its been two weeks for since I have written...

All is ok, just a lot going on, .... I will fill you in later..

Just to make sure I re-opened the blog, I had closed it for a time, but it is now open once again.

Not much to report on this eve of Halloween. I will be heading out to eat supper with a local attorney, she is also the head of our hiv care unit here in town.

The Mayor won re election on Oct 2, so the train moves forward... as the old Arabic Saying goes "The Dogs bark, but the Caravan moves on"... so the people spoke and we are moving on....

I think I need to make some sort of decision how long I am going to stay with this job... I am now over Public Safety and Public Works for the City.

I would like to have about a 2.5 to 3 yr run... but the Mayor wants me to stay on..for the whole term. ..... time does pass fast ..

I am approaching 57 .. be here in about five weeks... its time to smell the roses...maybe... I have always thought I have smelled the roses along the way, but in someways I know I haven't taken the breaks I needed... just worked through the stress of the work..and continued on.

See ya'll soon.

Some times in a mid size cities, small town the emerging gay community has continues their small townish ways. I was on a chat line this afternoon, from the local gay bar, when I was open, honest, and being my self....when a guy came on and said to me that i was distasteful, arrogant, personal nasty grooming, never has any long term friends, reckless thrown money around, etc...

Small town minds, small town attitudes, I donate to our local HIV support services , donate to every drag queen in this City for their pageants, provide for gay homeless men, donate to the women shelter for lesbians with children, and the list goes on.

Then to have some no nut lil queens dish me to the community is just giving me a good case of the red ass.... So, I blog my disappointment, regain my composure, and consider the sources.

And a lesson is learned once again.... no chat lines, no chat internet, and for the local gay bar's chat line...well... they won't be seeing me there again.....

Got back from a visit to the prostate dr. The outcome was as follows: still a presence of cancer, but no nodules, tumors, or masses, was given the catergory of low to very low risk at this time. The photos are of the Texas Hill country were the lil sister lives, she let the favorite son and I spend a few nights at her home while she was in DC.

The second photo is of the movie "Escapee" being shot here in Alexandria, starting Rapides Parish Native Faith Ford. The photo is of the shooting room, which was on site at the APD office.

Just an amazing process this movie business is, 14 takes for one scene... all night shooting, and lots of folks milling around.

Well its just time to update.....

Work is going ok..... back to the old DPW.

Nothing really happening, other than the election on Oct 2 and a road trip to the Prostate Cancer Doctor... sounds sort of old man'ish doesn't it.

I don't feel like an old man, I think that I still have the stamina of a late 30 year old.

The trip to the good doctor is next week... Have to go to Baton Rouge later in the week, which means a stop by the wine store and a lil trip to Whole Foods ..maybe....wine store for sure.

My dear friend from Seattle called... his partner and him seem to be making it fine... maybe I need to fly up there and check out the sights one wkend.

Life on a Different Plain

Life on a Different Plain.... for sure ... is approaching.

I have hustled and looked around all the corners for too long, hoping that a somewhat partner would appear on the horizon.

I gave it up long ago.... the Quest that is for a partner.

Glad I had one in my life, I can share that experience with myself and others.

As I sit here typing on a somewhat late night here in Alexandria La, I have many things to be thankful for.....

So not to belabor the point....

To all.... thanks for all who have said hello and the friends I have made along the way......

I am off to search for a distance plain....

And as always I will keep ya'll posted.

This is two photos that I took yesterday. The production company is shooting a pilot for a mini series based on Louisiana Stories.

They are standing on my front porch of the house. They were here from about 10am to midnight last night.

It was an interesting experience for me, to be "behind the scenes" and observed what it takes to put on a movie production.

Now I am just vegging... and takin' it easy after a long day of movie shooting..!!!

Today on CNN, I was watching a segment on wounded soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.

I began to cry.

My son, the light of my life fought there. He never talks about his experiences over there.

I am blessed to have him home.

Not injured .... not physically... hopefully not mentally.

Here Comes the New Chief

Well here in five days I will give up the Interim Chief of Police for this fair City. I have been wearing the hat for six months and the new Chief will be coming on board.

I can say that the 200 employees that I managed for the Police Dept along with my other 310 employees in the other division have been given a new lease, a renewed vigor.

So, come the stroke of midnight on Thursday, I will board the pumpkin carriage and be swisk away back to my old office.

Other than the above, its been a fairly ok venture for me wearing two hats. I have to say it wore me down a lil bit...but I am coming back fast.

So let them bring on the new chief... glad to turn those keys over to him.!!!!

Well the countdown has begun .... My tenure as Interim Chief of Police is now 24 days away from ending.
In most part I am glad it will be, but a lil of me I will be a lil bit misty eyed. I believe I have made a change there. It was my goal to be there six months, to bring more sensitivity, honor and dignity to the rank and file. I hope I have.

Managing 200 uniformed souls and another 310 city workers (DPW) has been a challenge for me, wearing both hats.

They are now waving at the citizens when they pass them on their beats, they seem not to be so disgruntled as they were in Jan 2010 when I showed up at their Doors.

I have defended them against all detractors, stood between them and all others....showed that I had faith in their work and causes.

Its been an education for me on modern police tactics and their belief systems.

So much have changed since my short lived patrol days of 1975 thru 1978. Back then we didn't have video cameras attached to our shoulders, we carried six round revolvers, not fourteen shot clips as they have now, we didn't speak with disdain for the criminals, they were just guys that went the wrong way in life, there was no cell phones, only pay phones.... and it cost 5 cents a call...., we all ate at the fried chicken place, and didn't have a work out room for rank and file.... now they eat at sub way and after the shift go to the work out room at the main station.

Criminals are still criminals, but the attitude of everyone has changed...... and I am not sure if it is for the better or worst.

The experience has changed me. I am not the same person I was 6 months ago..... I hope it has changed me for the better.

Its been a long rough two weeks.

I am tired.

Soon I will get a break, I hope.

Maybe I should think of what I might do when I take the break.

But there is no end in sight.

I am tired.

Iatt Lake, Grant Parish Louisiana

I took three of my friends paddling up on Iatt Lake (pronounced Eye At). Got up there around 8 am this morning. Was a good paddle.

Its been a long time...since I wrote anything.

I am still here.

Harv... that is me on aex301,

Not much happening... health is doing ok. I had to change insurances due to a carrier change. So, I will have to see when I get my paperwork if all of my doctors are on the new network.

The house is coming along ...and I rented my old home out to a guy who is the business manager for the symphony here. Keep it in the family I guess. I did give him a very good deal, on having the house.

Work is maxing out, I have about two months left as Commissioner of Public Safety and then I will return to being the Director of Public Works. Its going to be good...... I hope....allow me more time to get back to a routine.

Not much else...

Well I haven't been doing what I said I was going to do...that is blog.

Work is ok... just working a lot... with all my responsibilities and the two major hats I am wearing..sometimes it gets a lil overwhelming.

Then there is the political aspects of the upcoming election for mayor. The election is the first Saturday in October, 2010. Hope the M wins.

On the health front, I have been experiencing some lower back pain. I am going to my primary care doctor next week, request a PET Scan to determine if my cancer has spread outside of the capsule.... ie prostate gland. My Dr in San Antonio and I discussed the likelihood of this occurring, in his opinion, it was a very slim chance, but with my luck... you never know.

I have my fears of the cancer, like anyone else, on one hand, I try not to let it control my life. I go on about my everyday business and care for my work as always. On the other hand there is a nagging in the back of my mind that says I need to have the operation. The Dr says no, lets hold off. it is very slow growing, I hope the PET Scan comes out good.

Facing the facts is another cause of concern for me. I know that the operation is only as good as the doctor using the knife..the nerve sparing procedure oh and there is the di vinici knife robotic arm machine....but its a human operating it too..it just comes down to the doctor and his skill.

The fact remains that there will be no more ejaculation, there will be no more sensation from the prostate cause there will be no prostate, the penis is shorten by 30 % on the average due to the urethra beginning cut. There could be short term or long term leakage... you get to piss on your self if you hit a bump in the road in your pick up truck.

I am told one must develop a mental organism.. that is what the doctor told me .... hmmm!!!

So, with 510 employees, two divisions to take care of, looming possible prostate surgery on my lil small mind... I am just plotting along like an old mule....an old gray mule at that...

Thanks for listening to me....

The photo is of Val and I trekking on a Goat Path on the Lost Trail of Ghost Ranch near Abiuqiu NM. Val's partner Kirt is taking the photos and giggling behind me. For a Louisiana boy to be on the high trails of New Mexico was a sure sight.

But my mind is no longer near Abiquiu NM.... it back to the life here in Alexandria. ... and the reality of Life.

My time these days is not my own.

With the two positions, the two Divisions, I seem not to be able to get anything accomplished... from relaxing to working around the house.

From time to time, the C comes up in conversations also with folks. I notice every ache, pain, seemingly sore muscle on my body these days... I am attuned to noticing every lil detail of my body, checking for the rash here, the blood vein there.. I guess it is just that way.

I had a Dr visit in San Antonio two weeks ago, he said that he thought I was doing good. That the path of choice of how I was approaching the C would be exactly how he would approach it.. I have my doubts that what he told me was accurate.. just doubts..sometimes doubt creeps into my mind...when I think of the C.

I drove 918 miles yesterday all the way back to the lil city by the red river.

Wasn't that bad of a drive, just zone out, haul butt, and your here in 15 hours, negotiated one large metro area (Dallas MetroPlex) that got in the way, however very lil road construction, no popo, and drove reasonable about 5 miles over the speed limit.

Today I recover, the only thing annoying about the trip was that I never could get away from the office, never!!!!

Those blackberries, even when I turned them off, I would turn them on again, some message or voice mail would be there, knowing that I had some responsibility to make the effort to accomplish the task after hearing the message... at times it was just too too fuckin' much.

I did accomplish my end of the trip, got stayed there with the movers of lil sister's furniture until they started the final move into their truck, brought some good Texas and New Mexico wine, brought various goodies home such as olive oil, wheat crackers, those items only found in the more upperly mobile living areas of this country.

Now to the diet at hand....and its crawfish season, two messages left and one call last night, have crawfish outings tonight all over town.

I went to San Antonio TX yesterday, to see the cancer Doctor. My appointment was at 930 am today. We chatted bout my psa, what percentage of the last biopsy was the cancer, etc etc. I stayed at the lil sister's house there outside of SA. She navigated the traffic for me in SA this morning for me.

Today, after the appt, I left lil sister's house, and headed out to Santa Fe NM, tonight I am staying in Carlsbad NM. Its a half way point.

My task in SF is to be there at her other house to assure that the movers get everything. They come on Thursday. For the next day and a half my itinerary will be spent roaming around SF a lil bit, buying New Mexico wine, seeing old friends who reside there now, and hiking with them up in one of the canyons. The hike is on Wednesday.

Back to the Dr. We talked bout my weight, I am fat, I jumped on the scale and my eyes rolled back in my head. I didn't know I weighed that much, I thought I would come in at 10 pounds lighter, but I came in at 5 pounds over what I had weighed the last time. Its the winter roll on me.

The Dr said, 20 pounds lighter by Sept 22nd. That is when my next biopsy will be.

I promised.

Tis been a long time, since I have been here.

Its political time here in the lil city by the Red River.

Things will begin to heat up here very soon...its getting warm now.

I will remain in the AC to stay cool.

I am headed to Texas tomorrow to see the lil sister, but more important to see the good Dr. I have my semi annual check in with him.

He will poke and prod a lil bit, ask questions, and then I will ask questions.

A guy down the street, one of my neighbors, is seeing the same Dr I am seeing in San Antonio. His diagnosis is the same as mine. Be interesting to chat with him and see what is going on with him also.

I have opened the blog up again for viewing by everyone. See how that goes.

Well I checked the last post, it was Feb 24, here it is March 7.

Here is an update.

I moved into the new house sometimes in early Feb, its one block over from the old house. Its big to say the lest.
A friend commented the other day, who had a similar experience, that it takes about six months to adjust.

Adjust, I am adjusting every day, to the new house and semi new job

I am also feeling like I need to do more about my prostate cancer. I have an appointment for mid April... I will talk to my dr then. On his initial review he said it was a slow growing cancer, I just need some reassurance that it is. The aftermath of surgery is not optimistic for me. I think an alternative treatment could be around the corner. and so I babble on.

The new position is draining me, its very stressful, being the Commissioner of Public Safety, having to direct an additional 200 employees, plus my original 310 employees is a taxing, awesome task. I have been putting in more time over at Public Safety than at Public Works. I can see the difference in the personnel at Public Works and I need to pay them more attention.

I have figured out that I will more than likely sale the other house at some point in time. I need to do some repairs, redo some of the long leaf pine floors, and make it pop, to get the best price.

I beleive I can get a real good price for it, pay most of the new house off.....

and I ramble on till the next time here.........

Wow... its been a long time between the last post and this one.

Things are a lil hectic here with the City on the Red River.

I am very busy, with the new job, well the new extra job, getting settled in as the Commissioner of Public Safety a lil bit.

Lots to tell, but that will come later ....

I have a new house too. Moved over one street, to a bigger house, bigger lot.

Just a lot going on...

Be back later to post... promise it won't be so long.

well i took my photo down cause i think i need a more current one.

i am working very very long hours these days.

i have a new job also.

still with the city, but !!!!!

i am now the public safety commissioner.

its a big chunk to bite off.

still directing public works but now have public safety too.

have 510 employees, 3 fifths of the city work force.

i wake up all the time now, thinking of the big chunk i bite off.

no sleep !!!!

Friends Friends

Having Friends and My Sister to talk to does a lot for me.

My lil sister says I ruminate too much, she is mostly correct. I do tend to go over, over, and over everything too many times.

I was always told that I "thought too much".

Today, I went down to the local MLK parade, had some friends, staff and others I know in it.

I will get some photos of it soon. Got some good shots.

I talked to my financial consultant, he thinks it will be a good thing if I do buy the house as he said, you do make improvements, its the same payment schedule as your other house, and all in all, it will be good for you in the next three years.

I have someone who is going to rent my house now. He is non smoker, intelligent person, and very stable guy.

If I want to sale it later on, I can.

Decisions, Decisions.

Does ruminate equate to being wishy washy... I think so.

One of the decisions we make in life is where to live.

I have chosen to move here in Alexandria. Not Far.

Just over one street. Moving from Albert to White Street

The house I brought was built in 1905.

Pictures to follow.

Blue Moon, First Moon, and Fireworks in between

The Blue Moon rose of Albert Street on New Years Eve, then the first new moon of 2010 rose over the houses, in between we had a few fireworks.

The Blue Moon cast a shadow circle around it, the first new moon was in the very early morning...the fireworks was shot over on Jackson Street by a few local families.

All taken from lil old Albert Street, here on the red bricks.